The Ultimate Pilot Checklist: Black-ish

Dre Johnson is an advertising executive, married to a doctor (Rainbow), living with four cute children (Ruby, Andre Jr, Jack and Diane) and his acerbic father (Pops). He’s expecting to be promoted to Senior Vice President, and gets it, but finds out that he’s only the SVP of the ‘urban’ division. Meanwhile, his son has gone out for field hockey instead of basketball and decides he wants a bar mitzvah. 

PART 1: IS THIS A STRONG CONCEPT FOR AN ONGOING SERIES? (14/20)
The Pitch: Does this concept excite everyone who hears about it?
Does the concept satisfy the urges that get people to love and recommend this type of series?	Yes, it’s funny and edgy.
Does the series establish its own unique point of view on its setting?	The tourist van driving by sort of does that: This will be a sociological study.
Is there a central relationship we haven’t seen in a series before?	No.  It’s a familiar sitcom family.
Does the ongoing concept of the series contain a fundamental (and possibly fun) ironic contradiction?	He wants to be an exemplary black man, but the more exemplary he becomes the less black he feels.
Does the concept meet the content expectations of one particular intended network, venue, or audience?	It’s a very ABC show.
Even if the setting is unpleasant, is there something about this premise that is inherently appealing? (Something that will make the audience say, “Yes, I will be able to root for some aspect of this situation to recur episode after episode.”)	The setting is pleasant.
Series Fundamentals: Will this concept generate a strong ongoing series?
Is there one character (or sometimes two, in separate storylines) that the audience will choose to be their primary hero (although these heroes should probably be surrounded by an ensemble that can more than hold their own)?	Yes, Dre.
If this is a TV series, is the hero role strong enough to get an actor to abandon a movie career, come to work in TV for the first time, and sign a five-year contract before shooting the pilot? (And even if not for TV, is the hero role still that strong, simply for narrative purposes?)	Well, Anderson had given up movies for TV a while before, but he had starred in some movies.
Is the show set in an unsafe space?	It’s made clear in the opening that they don’t feel entirely welcome in their neighborhood and he doesn’t feel very comfortable at work.
Is this a setting that will bring (or has brought) different economic classes together?	No, everybody’s rich.  It’s a recurring gag that he wants his son to have poor friends, but that never pans out.
Will trouble walk in the door on a regular basis?	Not really.  Sitcom mini-dramas will have to be whipped up every week.
Will the heroes be forced to engage in both physical and cerebral activity on a regular basis?	Not really.
Are there big stakes that will persist episode after episode?	Big in their own way: Have I lost touch with my culture and can I save my kids from the same fate?
Will the ongoing situation produce goals or mini-goals that can be satisfactorily resolved on a regular basis?	Sure, little parenting goals and work difficulties.
The Pilot: Will this pilot episode be marketable and generate word of mouth?
Does the pilot contain all of the entertainment value inherent in the premise (rather than just setting everything up and promising that the fun will start next week)?	Yes, it’s sort of a premise pilot, in that his growing dissatisfaction with his son and job reach a bit of a breaking point, and both are established at midpoint.
Does the pilot feature an image we haven’t seen before (that can be used to promote the show)?	The family labeled “The Mythical and Majestic Black Family.”
Is there something bold, weird, and never-before-seen about this concept and/or pilot?	Not really.  It’s basically an update of “The Cosby Show” with a bit more discontent added in.
Is there a “HOLY CRAP!” scene somewhere along the way in the pilot (to create word of mouth)?	Sort of with Junior wanting a bar mitzvah (that was showcased in the show’s ads), sort of with the Rodney King ad, but it’s generally a pretty gentle show.
Does the pilot build up potential energy that will power future episodes (secrets that will come out, potential romances, etc.)?	Not really.
Even if this is episodic, is there a major twist or escalation at the end (though sometimes this twist will only be new to, or only revealed to, the audience) that will kick future episodes up a notch?	No.
PART 2: IS THIS A COMPELLING HERO (OR CO-HEROES IN DIFFERENT STORYLINES)? (16/16)
Believe: Do we recognize the hero (or co-heroes) as human?
Does the hero have a moment of humanity early on? (A funny, or kind, or oddball, or out-of-character, or comically vain, or unique-but-universal “I thought I was the only one who did that!” moment?)	His wife looks like a mess in her sleep and he thinks funny stuff about her.  He imagines himself being gawked at by tourists.   Making the Rodney King ad is funny.
Does the hero have a well-defined public identity?	Everybody knows that he’s going to be Senior Vice President.
Does that ironically contrast with a hidden interior self?	He’s still feels like an angry working-class person on the inside.
Does the hero have three rules he or she lives by (either stated or implied)?	”Keep it Real”, Succeed on his own terms, “I’m still going to need my family to be black.  Not black-ish, but black.”
Does the hero have a consistent metaphor family (drawn from his or her job, background, or developmental state)?	His job’s metaphor family is clashing with his background.  Ironically at his job, part of his job is to tell them how a black man would talk.  He insists that a black man wouldn’t talk differently (and gets insulted when they start calling him black-sounding nicknames), but on the other hand, he gets offended when his kids say they don’t see color.  To a certain extent, this whole show is about a clash of metaphor families (aka code-switching)
Does the hero have a default personality trait?	Cocky but frustrated
Does the hero have a default argument tactic?	Absorb humiliations unflappably until he snaps.
Care: Do we feel for the hero (or co-heroes)?
Does the hero have a great flaw that is the flip side of his or her great strength?	He’s thin-skinned and oversensitive to slights, both at work at at home.
Does the hero feel that this flaw cannot be resolved until it’s time to abandon the world of the show?	He’s only going to become more uncomfortable as he gets richer and his kids get nerdier.
Does the flaw resonate with the theme and/or setting of the show?	Yes.
Invest: Can we trust the hero (or co-heroes) to tackle this challenge?
Does the hero have a great strength that is the flip side of his or her great flaw?	He sees problems others don’t see.
Is the hero good at his or her job (or family role, if that’s his or her primary role)?	Yes, he proves at the end that he’s good at creating advertising campaigns (“LA is Colorful”), and that he’s a pretty good father (throwing his son a “hip-hop bro-mitzvah”)
Is the hero surrounded by people who sorely lack his or her most valuable quality?	His family has no black pride.  His coworkers are insensitive to race.
Is the hero curious?	Sort of.  He persists with interrogating his son.
Is the hero generally resourceful?	Sort of.
Does the hero use unique skills to solve problems (rather than doing what anybody else on the show would do)?	Sort of.
PART 3: IS THIS A STRONG ENSEMBLE (BEYOND THE HERO OR CO-HEROES)?  (10/13)
Powerful: Is each member of the ensemble able to hold his or her own?
If this is a network TV series, are there at least two more roles that are strong enough to get TV veterans to sign their own five-year contracts? (And even if not for TV, are the characters still that strong, simply for narrative purposes?)	Yes, Tracee Ellis Ross is a TV star and Lawrence Fishburne is a movie star.
Are all of the other regular roles strong enough on the page in this first episode to attract great actors? (ditto)	The entire cast is strong.
Does each member of the ensemble have a distinct and defensible point of view?	Both his wife and his mother make good points, from very different points of view.
Is each character defined primarily by actions and attitudes, not by his or her backstory?	Yes, we get little glimpses of each character’s backstory, but they’re more defined by their current roles.
Do all of the characters consciously and unconsciously prioritize their own wants, rather than the wants of others? (Good characters don’t serve good, evil characters don’t serve evil.)	Very much so.
Do most of the main characters have some form of decision-making power? (And is the characters’ boss or bosses also part of the cast, so that major decisions will not be made by non-regulars?)	No, his boss is not a main character yet, but will become one.
Balanced: Do the members of the ensemble balance each other out?
Whether this is a premise or episodic pilot, is there one point-of-view who needs this world explained (who may or may not be the hero)?	No.
Does it take some effort for the POV character to extract other characters’ backstories?	NA
Are the non-3-dimensional characters impartially polarized into head, heart and gut (or various forms of 2-way or 4-way polarization)?	Dre: Gut, Junior: Heart, Rainbow: Head, Pops: Spleen, to a certain extent.  The other kids aren’t clear yet.
Does each member of the ensemble have a distinct metaphor family (different from the hero’s, even if they’re in the same profession)?	Junior: the white version of black (he calls his field hockey team the Field-Mob), Rainbow: Upper class doctor (“Breaking down barriers is equally important to money, but just so I’m clear, there is a salary increase, right?”), Pops: Working class (“…before you start in with all that mess.”)
Does each member of the ensemble have a different default personality trait?	Junior: Nerdy, Rainbow: Placid, Pops: Sour and bemused
Does each member of the ensemble have a different default argument tactic?	Junior: Predict objections and prepare elaborate defenses, Rainbow: Hold her tongue, then call you aside, Pops: Mutter snipes, then pretend he said nothing.
Is there at least one prickly character who creates sparks whenever he or she appears?	Pops
PART 4: IS THE PILOT EPISODE A STRONG STAND-ALONE STORY AND GOOD TEMPLATE FOR THE ONGOING SERIES? (22/22)
Template: Does this match and/or establish the standard format of this type of series
Does the pilot have (or establish) the average length for its format?	Yes, 21 minutes
If this is intended for a form of commercial media, does the pilot have the right number of commercial breaks for its intended venue?	Yes, 3
If this is intended for commercial TV, does every act end on a cliffhanger or escalation, especially the middle one (and, if not intended for commercial TV, does it still have escalations happening in roughly the same places, simply for narrative purposes)?	1st: Finds out that he’s on the “urban” vice president. 2nd: He gives a too-black presentation and his job is clearly in danger.  3rd: “Be damned if I’m calling him Andy, though.”
Does the pilot establish the general time frame for most upcoming episodes of this series?	One day will be common.
Do all of the pilot’s storylines intercut believably within that time frame?	Yes.
If this is a premise pilot, is the basic premise established by the midpoint, leaving time for a foreshortened typical episode story in the second half?	Yes.
Pilot Story Fundamentals: Does the pilot episode have a strong story?
Does the pilot provide at least one satisfactory stand-alone story (even if that story is just the accomplishment of a mini-goal)?	Yes.
Is this episode’s plot simple enough to spend more time on character than plot?	Yes.
Is the pilot’s challenge something that is not just hard for the hero to do (an obstacle) but hard for the hero to want to do (a conflict)?	Yes, he gets the promotion he wants but he doesn’t want to just be the “urban” vide-president.
First Half: Is the problem established in a way that reflects human nature?
Does the hero start out with a short-term goal for this episode?	Get his promotion and move his seat to the senior management side of the table.
Does a troubling situation (episodic pilot) or major change in the status quo (premise pilot) develop near the beginning of the episode?	He finds out he’ll be the “urban” SVP.  He finds out his son wants to play field hockey instead of basketball.
Does the hero eventually commit to dealing with this situation personally?	Yes, in the second half
Do the hero’s efforts quickly lead to an unforeseen conflict with another person?	His boss and co-workers behave in an inappropriate manner towards him.
Does the hero try the easy way throughout the second quarter?	He just complains to his family.
Does this culminate in a major midpoint setback or escalation of the problem (whether or not there’s a commercial break)?	His son wants a bar mitzvah.  He decides he’s not integrated enough at work but his family wants to integrate too much. “I may have to be urban at work, but I’m still going to need my family to be black.  Not black-ish, but black!”
Second Half: Is the mini-goal resolved as the ongoing trouble escalates?
Does the hero try the hard way from this point on?	He decides to give his bosses a very black ad campaign and give his son an African coming of age ritual.
By halfway through, are character decisions driving the plot, rather than external plot complications?	Yes.
Are the stakes increased as the pace quickens and the motivation escalates?	He’s almost fired.
Does a further setback force the hero to adopt a wider view of the problem?	His son and father mock the African ritual.  Rainbow has found out about work and she’s had enough.
After that setback, does the hero finally commit to pursuing a corrected goal?	His pops set him straight and he says “Whatever you do, make sure it’s right for who you are.”
Before the final quarter of the story begins, (if not long before) has the hero switched to being proactive, instead of reactive?	Yes: He decides to do an ad campaign his boss will like and throw his son a “hip-hop bro-mitzvah”
After the climax, does either the hero, the point of view character or a guest star have a personal revelation and/or life change, possibly revealed through reversible behavior?	Yes: His new “L.A. is Colorful” ad campaign is very different, and he thinks as he presents it: “‘Urban’ can mean hip, cool and colorful, just like my family.  Taking a cue from my son, I decided to get my foot in the door and really make some noise.  Funny thing is, I didn’t feel urban.  I just felt like a dad who was willing to do whatever he had to for his family, and isn’t that the American Dream?”
PART 5: IS EACH SCENE THE BEST IT CAN BE? (21/22) The scene where his son asks for a bar mitzvah and Dre calls a family meeting
The Set-Up: Does this scene begin with the essential elements it needs?
Were tense and/or hopeful (and usually false) expectations for this interaction established beforehand?	Just a little.  He’s been increasing pissed about his family’s lack of blackness.  He’s just endured another humiliation at work and we’re right to be worried that he’ll take it out on his family.
Does the scene eliminate small talk and repeated beats by cutting out the beginning (or possibly even the middle)?	No, it begins at the beginning.
Is this an intimidating setting that keeps characters active?	It’s the kitchen/dining room, so they’re fairly active.
Is one of the scene partners not planning to have this conversation (and quite possibly has something better to do)?	The mom’s cooking is being interrupted.
Is there at least one non-plot element complicating the scene?	Lots of plot elements are colliding.  Junior’s friend Zach is a distracting irritant.
Does the scene establish its own mini-ticking-clock (if only through subconscious anticipation)?	The kids have made it clear they have other places to be.
The Conflict: Do the conflicts play out in a lively manner?
Does this scene both advance the plot and reveal character?	Yes.
Are one or more characters in the scene emotionally affected by this interaction or action as the scene progresses?	Dre’s having a meltdown and upsetting everyone else “Daddy’s scaring me!”
Does the audience have (or develop) a rooting interest in this scene (which may sometimes shift)?	We sort of agree with him and sort of with Rainbow.
Are two agendas genuinely clashing (rather than merely two personalities)?	Very much so.  Very different ideas about how to be black in America.
Does the scene have both a surface conflict and a suppressed conflict (one of which is the primary conflict in this scene)?	Surface: Can Junior have a bar mitzvah? Can the twins have a playdate? Suppressed: How black should we be?
Is the suppressed conflict (which may or may not come to the surface) implied through subtext (and/or called out by the other character)?	Dre calls it out.
Are the characters cagy (or in denial) about their own feelings?	Not for long.
Do characters use verbal tricks and traps to get what they want, not just direct confrontation?	Pops is subtly egging Dre on. (“But when I say it, I’m wrong.”)  Junior tries to convince his dad to go along with the bar mitzvah by saying “You won’t have to worry about anybody calling me ‘Andy’ anymore, because when I convert, I’ll have a Hebrew name!”
Is there re-blocking, including literal push and pull between the scene partners (often resulting in just one touch)?	He kisses Rainbow, Rainbow hugs Junior, Junior high-fives Zach
Are objects given or taken, representing larger values?	The mom hands out food, Zach takes a grape soda without permission, which symbolizes taking their son from them (and grape soda has previously been associated with ghettoization).  Diane squeezes a squeaky toy to feel safe.
The Outcome: Does this scene change the story going forward?
As a result of this scene, does at least one of the scene partners end up doing something that he or she didn’t intend to do when the scene began?	”If she thinks I’m finished with keeping it real, well I’m just getting started.”  Dre gets pushed to the edge over the course of the scene.
Does the outcome of the scene ironically reverse (and/or ironically fulfill) the original intention?	The family gathers to commune but ends up upset and alienated from each other.
Are previously-asked questions answered?	Will Junior make the team?
Are new questions posed that will be left unanswered for now?	What does Dre now intend to do at work?
Is the audience left with a growing hope and/or fear for what might happen next? (Not just in the next scene, but generally)	We have growing fear that Dre’s going to do something drastic at work and with his family.
Does the scene cut out early, on a question (possibly to be answered instantly by the circumstances of the next scene)?	”If Stevens and Lido really wants an ‘urban’ SVP, I’ll give them their urban SVP!”  Then we cut to his Rodney King-focused ad.
PART 6: IS THIS POWERFUL DIALOGUE? (13/13)
Empathetic: Is the dialogue true to human nature?
Does the writing demonstrate empathy for all of the characters?	Yes.
Does each of the characters, including the hero, have a limited perspective?	We’re not supposed to fully agree with his attitudes.
Are the characters resistant to openly admitting their feelings (to others and even to themselves)?	Yes.
Do the characters avoid saying things they wouldn’t say?	Yes.
Do the characters interrupt each other often?	Yes.
Specific: Is the dialogue specific to this world and each personality?
Does the dialogue capture the culturally-specific syntax of the characters (without necessarily attempting to replicate non-standard pronunciation)?	Well, he worries he’s not as culturally specific as he used to be.
Does the dialogue capture the jargon of the profession and/or setting?	Yes.
Does the dialogue capture the tradecraft of the profession being portrayed?	Sort of.  We learn about the culture of an ad firm.
Heightened: Is the dialogue more pointed and dynamic than real talk?
Is the dialogue more concise than real talk?	Yes.
Does the dialogue have more personality than real talk?	Yes: “Big butts, R&B, and dancing: Those were the black man’s go-to’s!”
Is there a minimum of commas in the dialogue (the lines are not prefaced with Yes, No, Well, Look, or the other character’s name)?	Yes.
Do non-professor characters speak without dependent clauses, conditionals, or parallel construction?	Yes, even the doctor.
Is there one gutpunch scene, where the subtext falls away and the characters really lay into each other?	Yes, when Rainbow finds out he’s almost been fired.
PART 7: DOES THE PILOT MANAGE ITS TONE TO CREATE AND FULFILL AUDIENCE EXPECTATIONS? (7/8)
Genre and Mood: Does the series tap into pre-established expectations?
Does the series fit within one genre (or compatible sub-genres)?	Family sitcom.
Are unrealistic genre-specific elements a big metaphor for a more common experience (not how life really is, but how life really feels)?	There are no unrealistic elements.
Separate from the genre, does the pilot establish an overall mood for the series?	Hip, sarcastic.
If there are multiple storylines, do they establish the spectrum of moods available within that overall mood?	The impression is that there will not be a spectrum of moods on the show.  Both stories are in the same register.
Framing: Does the pilot set, reset, upset and ultimately exceed its own expectations?
Are there framing devices (flashforwards, framing sequences and/or first person narration) to set the mood, pose a dramatic question, and/or pose ongoing questions?	There’s a jaundiced voiceover.
Is there a dramatic question posed early on, which will establish in the audience’s mind which moment will mark the end of the pilot?	Will he accept the position under the limited terms he’s offered?
Does foreshadowing create anticipation and suspense (and refocus the audience’s attention on what’s important)?	There’s an increasing sense that something will go wrong at work.  They know we’ve seen TV shows and they set us up to expect that the reversal will be that he doesn’t get the promotion, only to be surprised when we get a different reversal (he gets it but it’s only for the ‘urban’ division.) ‘Urban’ has already been set up to a ridiculous term.
Is the dramatic question of the pilot episode’s plot answered near the end of the story?	He accepts the job (it’s being etched on his window) as the credits roll.
PART 8: DOES THE PILOT CREATE A MEANINGFUL ONGOING THEME? (13/14)
Pervasive: Is the theme interwoven into many aspects of the show?
Does the ensemble as a whole have a unique philosophy about how to fill their role (and competition from an allied force with a different philosophy)?	He and his pops have one philosophy (“Sometimes I feel that in order to make it, black folks have dropped a little bit of their culture”), while his wife and children have another (“Don’t you think that’s beautiful? They don’t see color!”)
Does the pilot have a statement of philosophy and/or theme, usually either at the beginning or _ of the way in. (Sometimes this will be the ensemble’s statement of philosophy, sometimes this merely be the implied theme of the series itself.)	All of the above, plus “Not that I want to go back to being the big, scary, black guy, but I have to admit, it did kind of have its advantages.”
Can the show’s overall ongoing theme be stated in the form of a classic good vs. good (or evil vs. evil) dilemma?	Make money or be true to your working class roots.
Throughout the pilot, do the characters have to choose between goods, or between evils, instead of choosing between good and evil?	Put up with humiliations at work to make money, abandon your religion to have a party, etc.
Are the storylines in the pilot thematically linked (preferably in an indirect, subtle way)?	Very much so: He feels like he’s treated too black at work and his family is not black enough at home.
Are small details throughout the pilot tied into the theme?	The meaning of grape soda, etc…
Will the heroes grapple with new moral gray areas in each episode?	Yes.
Grounded: Do the stakes ring true to the world of the audience?
Does the series’ set-up reflect the way the world works?	Well, like its ABC companion “Modern Family”, they’re unrealistically wealthy, so normal rules don’t really apply.
Does the series have authentic things to say about this type of setting?	We become aware of little slights Dre can see from his unique perspective.
Does the ongoing concept include twinges of real life national pain?	Yes, his first “urban” ad campaign has flashes of Rodney King, etc.
Are these issues presented in a way that avoids moral hypocrisy?	Yes.
Do all of the actions in the pilot have real consequences?	Yes, he almost gets fired, etc.
Untidy: Is the dilemma ultimately irresolvable?
Do the characters refuse (or fail) to synthesize the meaning of the pilot episode’s story, forcing the audience to do that?	No, it’s voiceover heavy and he sort of synthesizes it.
Does the end of the pilot leave the thematic dilemma wide open and irresolvable?	Yes.

Total Score: 116/128

 

 

Believe Care Invest: CSI

Why Gil might be hard to identify with: 

• We’re used to seeing the heroic cops meet with the science guy in just one scene per episode. We like heroes with the agency necessary to see a case through from beginning to end, which CSIs don’t have.
• He’s kind of cruel to the new hire. He takes Holly’s blood just to have fun with, then tricks her into eating a grasshopper. But after that period of hazing, he softens to her.

Believe

• He’s got lots of mottos, such as “Forget about the husband, Warrick, forget about the assumptions, forget about your promotion, these things will only fool you, think about what cannot lie, the evidence.”
• At the first act one, when Holly gets scared by a room full of corpses, he comforts her and then yells “You assholes” at the corpses.

Care

• He’s disrespected by his cop colleagues “Here comes the nerd squad.”
• He’s embarrassed when a co-worker reminds him they went on a date that fizzled.

Invest

• He’s got good eyes. He’s got lots of expertise. Right away, he finds a maggot on a corpse that tells him a lot, even things his fellow CSI can’t see.

Five Es

• Eat: He eats a grasshopper.
• Exercise: No.
• Economic Activity: His job seems to be his life.
• Enjoy: He works with a sly smile on his face.
• Emulate: He acts like a real cop.

Rise above

• Never.

Kind

• Unlike some other science-minded heroes to come, he’s genuinely empathetic to the families of the victims.

Believe Care Invest: Community

Why Jeff might be hard to identify with: 

• He’s a lawyer (who faked his law degree.)  He’s a cheater.  He’s a cad. He’s a liar.

Believe

• I absolutely love it when the Dean realizes he’s lost the card that had the inspiring part of his speech and says, “Can we all look around our immediate areas?”, which is a phrase I know only from real life and not from TV. 
• As for Jeff, though, he doesn’t feel particularly real to me. He explicitly states that one of his problems is that he’s stitched his personality together from TV shows, though, so I guess that’s kind of the point.

Care

• The dean accidentally makes it clear to everyone that this is a loser school.
• The state bar has suspended Jeff’s license. He has to admit over the course of the episode that he’s coasted by and he has no idea how to live in the world.

Invest

• He’s a great talker: “I discovered at a very early age that if I talk long enough, I could make anything right or wrong, so either I’m god, or truth is relative, and in either case, boo-yah.” He’s good at hitting on Britta: She says she doesn’t want to make small talk. He asks “What’s your deal?” She asks “Isn’t that small talk?” He says, “What’s your deal and is God dead?”

Five Es: Our first ever five nos!

• Eat: No
• Exercise: No
• Economic Activity: No. I mean, he’s kind of trying to get his job back.
• Enjoy: No, he’s entirely jaded and doesn’t seem to enjoy much.
• Emulate: No.

Rise above

• He has no job to rise above.

High five a black guy

• He stands up for various people of color.

Kind:

• He shows some sensitivity to Abed. “That’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to me.”

Believe Care Invest: Cheers

Why Sam might be hard to identify with: 

• He’s a bar owner, which is not generally regarded as a heroic profession. He seems like he might be a cad.

Believe

• He knows all the tricks of the trade.
• He’s a recovering alcoholic, which is a believable enough weakness for a bar owner.

Care

• He’s disrespected: Diane says, “I’m not in the habit of talking to bartenders.” Sam says, “I understand. One’s trying to move into my neighborhood.”
• Diane correctly says, “What a shame such an astute observer of human nature is stuck behind a bar.”

Invest

• He tricks and traps the underage customer into revealing himself.
• His lover calls him a “magnificent pagan beast”, so if he’s a cad at least he’s a talented one. 
• We side with his working class perspective and his wit. Diane quotes some poetry and says “That’s Donne.” Sam says “I hope so.”
• He used to be one of best pitchers in baseball.

Five Es

• Eat: He can’t answer the phone because he’s got a mouth full of coffee, so he has to mime.
• Exercise: No.
• Economic Activity: He’s running the bar he owns.
• Enjoy: He’s amused by his employees and regulars. He enjoys poking fun at Diane.
• Emulate: Not really.

Rise above

• He refuses business in the first scene.

High five a black guy

• No.

Kind

• He’s gentle to the kid he refuses to serve.
• He offers Diane and Sumner free champagne then offers her sympathy when it becomes clear she’s been ditched.

Believe Care Invest: Breaking Bad

Why Walt might be hard to identify with: 

• If we hadn’t seen him brandishing a gun in the flashforward, we might find him too much of a sad sack. He endures a lot of humiliations and it’s a little wearying. When he finally breaks bad, we’re ready for it.

Believe

• In the flashforward, he’s wearing tighty whities that feel very real.
• His disabled son is a smartass, rather than saintly, and they give him shit about his attitude, understanding that he’s not fragile.
• This guy lives in our economy. His money troubles and humiliations are very well observed from real life.
• The doctor who gives him his cancer diagnosis has a mustard stain on his coat.

Care: You want reasons to care? We’ve got a dozen of them!

• In the flashforward, we don’t quite understand what’s going on, but we can see he’s in a very bad situation. He seems to think he’ll be arrested or killed. He doesn’t have any pants on. ii. Present day: He’s turning 50 and his wife gives him a 50 spelled out in “veggie bacon” which looks terrible. His son says it smells like band-aids.
• His son has cerebral palsy. Walt mainly handles this excellently, but he lets just a bit of frustration slip through when, after dropping Walt Jr. off, he yanks the handicap sign off his mirror and tries to put it in the glove compartment, which won’t close, indicating that he can’t escape his son’s diagnosis.
• Most of his students ignore him, and one actively humiliates him.
• He has to work in a car wash after his teaching job and ends up having to shine the asshole student’s rims while he’s laughed at. vi. His son adores his brother-in-law Hank’s gun. Hank then mocks Walt.
• For his birthday, he gets a contemptuous handjob from his wife while she does an eBay option.
• He’s been coughing, and finally collapses into the suds at the car wash. In ambulance, he asks to be dropped off at a corner be cause he “doesn’t have the greatest insurance.” He undergoes a typically terrifying PET Scan. Finally he’s told he has inoperable lung cancer, but he’s too numb to react.

Invest

• In the flashforward, he’s brandishing a gun, possibly preparing to shoot some cops. We don’t know if he killed all those guys in the RV.
• In the flashback, we we see he’s not just good at science, he contributed to research that won the Nobel Prize.
• He’s clearly a great teacher, spraying spraybottles to change the color of flames.

Five Es

• Eat: Joylessly eats veggie bacon
• Exercise: He gets up at 5am to exercise on some sort of step machine.
• Economic Activity: He’s working two jobs.
• Enjoy: He can’t enjoy the party. He can’t even enjoy the handjob.
• Emulate: He wishes he could win his son’s admiration like Hank does. He asks to do a ride along to busting a meth lab, seemingly because he wants to emulate Hank, but actually because he wants to emulate the cooks.

Rise above

• He finally stands up to his car wash boss after his diagnosis.

High five a black guy

• No.

Kind

• He’s loving to his son.

Believe Care Invest: 24

Why Jack might be hard to identify with: 

• Not much reason yet. We can’t guess yet that he’s a torture-crazy psychopath (as opposed to the second season opener, which puts that front and center.)

Believe

• It’s fascinating how soft Jack is in these opening minutes. He seems about to lose chess to his daughter and lets himself be emotionally manipulated by her, admits that to his wife and agrees to change, gets humiliated by Kim’s disappearance, doesn’t really want to go into work... It’s the most emotionally vulnerable he’ll be in the series, his last chance to really seem human.

Care

• His daughter disappears at five minutes in. He then gets called into work, upsetting his wife. His employees are more interested in playing politics than getting the work done.

Invest

• Treating kids like adults is always likeable and we start with him playing chess with his teen daughter.
• He calls and threatens Kim’s ex-boyfriend in a bad-ass way.
• When he gets to work, he starts to become the take-charge guy we know and love. “I don’t care how it’s interpreted, I just gave you an order and I want you to follow it.”

Five Es

• Eat: Jack will soon become famous for his ability to never eat, but he does have a pudding here. Hope that’ll last you for 24 hours, Jack!
• Exercise: There’s a weight-lifting set-up in the room with him, but he’s playing chess instead. He’ll get plenty of exercise eventually, of course.
• Economic Activity: He gets called in to work at midnight and reluctantly goes.
• Enjoy: He’s kind of enjoying chess, I guess.
• Emulate: He says he’ll try to parent in the way his wife wants, then tries to be the sort of work supervisor his boss would want.

Rise above

• By halfway in, he will shoot a senior officer in the interest of justice.

High five a black guy

• The show is about him trying to stop the assassination of a black presidential candidate, seemingly targeted by racists within Jack’s agency.

Kind

• He’s sensitive to his wife’s needs.

Episode 22: The Holy Moment

The Secrets of Story Podcast · Episode 22: The Holy Moment

Hi guys, it’s a new podcast episode, ad-free! James has advice for writing opening scenes and I basically agree with him for once. Plus, James almost gets hit by a meteor and I sing the praises of Minneapolis Community and Technical College.

Storyteller's Rulebook: Superlative Writing Basics in "The Intuitionist"

As I said yesterday, there were several elements of “The Intuitionist” that made it hard to identify with Lila Mae. So if I was alienated from my hero, why did I keep reading? Simply speaking, when the writing is this good, the author earns a lot of leeway. Ultimately, novel writing comes down to the basics: great words, great sentences, great paragraphs, and great chapters. Let’s look at some:

Whitehead uses adjectives that we can vividly see but we’ve never heard before. 

• “The light at this hour, on this street, is the secondhand gray of ghetto twilight, a dull mercury color.”
• A character has a “Hieroglpyic squint”
• “All of the Department’s cars are algae green.”
• A large bed is “swimmable”
• He uses great sensory writing (and another great adjective): “The hallway smells of burning animal fat and obscure gravies boiling to slag.”

Every one of Whitehead’s character descriptions are delightful. 

• She thinks about the men who have come before and sums one up quickly: “Martin Gruber chews with his mouth open and likes to juggle his glass eye.” 
•  Later, we get to go into the head of one of the mafia goons searching her apartment: “He’s still searching for a concordance between the loss of his virginity (purchased) and an ankle sprain (accidental) exactly three years later, give or take an hour. John is sure it will come, awaiting another item in the series or a new perspective on the extant ones. No matter.”

Whitehead’s street description are great: “It is situated in the heart of the city, on a streetcorner that clots with busy, milling citizens during the day and empties completely at night except for prostitutes and lost encyclopedia salesmen.”

He does a great job job of breaking up sentence into shorter sentences in order to convey skepticism: “A regrettable incident in Atlanta kicked up a lot of fuss in the trades a few years back, but an inquiry later absolved Arbo of any wrongdoing. As they say.” Inserting that period takes the place of unneeded sentences, adjectives, and adverbs.

An aspiring novelist might find it worth their time to simply transcribe this novel and chew over every sentence to learn how to write.

Believe Care Invest in “The Intuitionist”

Why Lila Mae might be hard to identify with:

• Well, first of all she might be hard to identify with because she’s an elevator inspector, which is not a profession we’re used to rooting for. But she makes it look really cool, so we quickly get on board.
• At one point Whitehead says, “Lila Mae’s been a practicing solipsist since before she could walk.” It’s hard to root for a solipsist.
• Nevertheless, due to the excellent BCI, I was totally onboard with Lila Mae, until the inciting incident happens and she doesn’t react the way I want her to. When she hears that one of the elevators she okayed has crashed, she doesn’t ask if there were any casualties or go to investigate. We like that she’s tough, but this is a little too tough to fully identify with. It’s alienating, and could lose the reader if strong BCI hadn’t been built up.

Believe

• The second paragraph begins, “She doesn’t know what to do with her eyes. The front door of the building is too scarred and gouged to look at, and the street behind her is improbably empty, as if the city had been evacuated and she’s the only one who didn’t hear about it.” We’re plunged right into her self-conscious head, describing her unease in a way we’ve never heard before but instantly recognize as similar to our own self-consciousness.
• Place names are never mentioned, but we assume that Lila Mae has migrated from a small southern town to a big northern city in the 1940s, and encountered massive racism in each. Nevertheless, she’s not portrayed as as nobly suffering victim. What’s fascinating is how conservative she is. Whitehead says, “Even from the twelfth floor, she can still hear the woman downstairs yelling at her children, or what Lila Mae supposes to be children. You never know these days.” Later he describes, presumably from Lila Mae’s point of view, “a city with an increasingly vocal colored population—who are not above staging tiresome demonstrations for the lowlier tabloids”. Lila Mae has a southern small town attitude to big northern cities, regardless of her race. This makes her seem very real to us.
• Lila Mae has the particular values of her profession, which is always good. Her political enemy tries to bribe the opposition with new screwdrivers, and Lila Mae has to admit “the new screwdrivers were quite beautiful.”

Care

• We begin with a scene that we assume happens every day: Lila Mae endures humiliating treatment by a building superintendent who has never seen a black or female elevator inspector before, (“How come Jimmy didn’t come this time?” the super asks. “Jimmy’s good people.”) She then suffers the ultimate humiliation for an elevator inspector: An elevator she okays crashes.

Invest

• We can tell Whitehead loves comic books, because he lifts a character wholesale from Frank Miller’s “Daredevil” comics. And, as a comic book lover, he knows the value of giving Lila Mae superpowers, established right away. She doesn’t climb around elevator shafts, she can simply sense what’s wrong with an elevator, and, until the incident, gets it right every time. 
• We’re then impressed when the superintendent tries to bribe her to make her forget about it, but she takes the bribe and cites him anyway. (“You placed sixty dollars in my pocket. I don’t think I implied by my behavior that I wanted you to bribe me, nor have I made any statement or gesture, such as an outstretched palm, for example, saying that I would change my report because you gave me money. If you want to give away your hard-earned money”—Lila Mae waves her hand toward a concentration of graffiti—“I see it as a curious, although in this case fortuitous, habit of yours that has nothing whatsoever to do with me. Or why I’m here.”) That’s pretty bad-ass.
• Jimmy in the garage has a crush on her. She’s self-conscious, but we sense that she needn’t be.

Five Es

• Eat: Not till later.
• Exercise: No. There’s a chase scene much later in the book.
• Economic Activity: Very much so, her life is her job.
• Enjoy: No, never, other than appreciating her new screwdriver.
• Emulate: When she inspects an elevator, she reads though the initials of the previous inspectors and tries to figure out who each one was. She’s overwhelming aware of those that came before her, and her various amounts of respect for each.

Rise above

• She decides not to check in after the accident, sensing that she’s going to look out for herself in this thing and can’t trust her bosses.

High five a black guy

• Not an issue.

Kind

• No, never. She’s a solipsist, and not interesting in helping anyone other than herself.

So That's Over...

Well, folks, we have left the podcast network. I have now re-re-edited all the old podcasts, taken out the network tag, added the latest episodes to Soundcloud, updated the old episodes with the new art and music, redirected the rss to soundcloud, re-updated the embed on all the old blog posts, etc.

The original deal was 2 ads at the beginning and end of every episode, but then I had to add more and more, to the point where we had 16 ads in the Laika episode. It was just too much. But I figured, “Well, let’s wait to see if we're making a ton of money.” So I waited until we had 1664 downloads which is a respectable number, and I asked how much money we’d made so far. Guess how much? No, lower. Lower. Lower. We’d made $12.18. Of which the podcast network gets half, leaving $6.09. Which we split, leaving $3.04 and a half penny each. For many, many hours work. So we bailed. The original purpose of this podcast was to promote our brands, and it can do that better without the avalanche of ads. No need to subject you to that for pennies.

So the good news for you is that you get the beatiful new music and art without having to suffer with the ads that come with them. The bad news is that we’ll feel less pressure now to churn out a lot of episodes. But hey, there’s no reason we can’t be self-motivated, right? Right?

Here’s our latest episode again, now ad-free:

The Secrets of Story Podcast · Episode 21: Franchise Finales