Podcast

Friday, April 07, 2023

The Expanded Ultimate Story Checklist: Is the audience left with a growing hope and/or fear of what might happen next?

Usually the question that ends the scene is a practical one that’s instantly answered by the circumstances of the next. But you should keep your audience looking further ahead, breathlessly wondering how the events they’ve just witnessed will affect the rest of the story. 

If your scene has pushed both the outer and inner journey forward, then the audience will be left with more and/or different hopes and fears. By now, their initial hopes for what the hero might accomplish in this scene have been gratified or dashed, resulting in a surge of hope or a deepening dread (and sometimes both). For example:
  • I’m excited by the romantic potential of the person the hero just met. 
  • I’m scared by this villain scene and increasingly tense about what will happen when the villain collides with the hero. 
  • I’m becoming confident that the hero’s plan will work. 
  • I can see what the heroes can’t see, and I’m dreading the consequences of their limited perspective. 
  • I’m rooting for what the hero is doing, but I’m also dreading the inevitable consequences of this action. 
A scene can be very well written, but if it comes to its own self-sufficient ending and tries to create its own meaning rather than propel the audience toward future events, then it can still hurt the overall story. 

Most writers spend too much time looking at the big picture and not enough time down in the mines doing the nitty-gritty of scene work. If you can master this skill, you’ll be way ahead of the game.

For this Scenework series, we’re examining these scenes:

The 40 Year Old Virgin

Andy goes home with a drunk woman from a Bachelorette party.

Alien

After the deaths of Kane, Brett and Dallas, Ripley becomes captain, so she has a meeting with the other survivors, Ash, Parker, and Lambert, to decide what to do next.

An Education

Jenny is amazed as David gets permission from her parents to take her on a weekend trip to Oxford by claiming to know C.S. Lewis.

The Babadook

Amelia chases her son Sam down to the basement, where he knocks her out, ties her up, and drives the Babadook out of her, temporarily.

Blazing Saddles

Bart arrives in town, then takes himself hostage to save himself from hostile townspeople

Blue Velvet

Jeffrey spies on Dorothy and Frank, then Dorothy catches Jeffrey in her apartment and has sex with him at knifepoint.

The Bourne Identity

Jason and Marie are attacked at her family’s farm by the assassin known as The Professor. Jason blows up a propane tank to distract him and kills him, but as the Professor dies he convinces Jason to come back.

Bridesmaids

Annie is driving angry after feuding with Helen when she gets pulled over by a cute cop, who gives her his number under the pretense of recommending a place to get her tail light fixed.

Casablanca

Sketchy crook Ugarte asks cool club owner Rick to hold onto the letters of transit for him.

Chinatown

Jake confronts Noah Cross with the glasses

Donnie Brasco

Lefty seeks to go behind Sonny Black’s back to set up his own meeting in Florida with Trifficante. He has Donnie borrow a boat for this purpose, but Sonny Black knows everything, and he crashes the party.  Lefty bitterly assumes that Donnie has betrayed him, and shuns him.  Sonny takes Donnie aside and elevates him above Lefty.

Do the Right Thing

Buggin’ Out notices that there are no brothers on the wall of Sal’s Pizzeria and decides to organize a boycott.

The Farewell

Billi finds out about Nai Nai’s diagnosis from her parents.

The Fighter

Micky and Charlene confront Micky’s family about his career.

Frozen

Anna confront Elsa in her ice palace

The Fugitive

Gerard confronts Kimble atop a dam, but Kimble leaps off.

Get Out

Chris sneaks out for a smoke in the night, has creepy encounters with Georgina and Walter, then finds Missy drinking tea.  She implores him to sit down, he repeats that he doesn’t want to be hypnotized, but she does it anyway with her teacup.  She gets him to admit the facts of his mother’s death, then sends him to a “sunken place” in his mind.

Groundhog Day

Phil takes Rita to a cafe and tries to convince her that he’s living the same day over and over. He convinces her by predicting what Larry will say.

How to Train Your Dragon

Hiccup and his students are in an arena competing to defeat a dragon, but Hiccup is quizzing their instructor to find out how to better commune with his own dragon, Toothless. Along the way, he uses what he learned from Toothless to peacefully subdue the dragon they’re fighting, infuriating the others.

In a Lonely Place

Laurel has made secret plans to leave town, but Dix makes her go to his favorite restaurant to celebrate their engagement with his agent, his alcoholic friend, and others.

Iron Man

Tony has built a better chest-device to keep shrapnel out of his heart, so he calls Pepper in to reach into his chest and replace the old one with a new one.

Lady Bird

Lady Bird flirts with Kyle in the parking lot.

Raising Arizona

During Hi and Ed’s first night with Junior, brothers Gale and Evelle show up having just escaped from jail, and begin to suspect the truth.

Rushmore

Max introduces himself to Ms. Cross on the bleachers.

Selma

King meets with Johnson in the Oval Office to try to get him to commit to a new Voting Rights Act

The Shining

Jack finally takes a drink from the ghosts in the ballroom. A waiter spills a drink on him, and takes him to the bathroom to clean it off.  While he does so, Jack realizes that the waiter is actually Grady, the former caretaker that killed his family.  Grady encourages him to do the same, but Jack is uncertain.

Sideways

Miles has struck out with Maya, but Jack comes back to the motel after a wild night with Steph, intending to go back out. Miles tries to get Jack to stay by forcing him to call his fiancĂ©, but she doesn’t answer and Jack takes off with Steph after getting Miles to return his unused condom from the night before.

The Silence of the Lambs

Clarice first meets Lecter in his cell, under the pretense of getting him to fill out a questionnaire, but he quickly figures out that it’s really about Buffalo Bill, and that Clarice is hiding other things as well.

Star Wars

The gang takes over the Death Star command office.

Sunset Boulevard

Joe discovers Norma, who assumes that he’s there to plan her monkey’s funeral, but when he explains that he’s a screenwriter, she hires him to rewrite her screenplay for Salome instead.


So how do those scenes answer this question? 

The 40 Year Old Virgin

YES. We are increasingly fearful that he will never have sex.

Alien

YES.  We have a surging hope that Ripley is finally going to kick some ass and solve the secondary mystery (What’s up with Mother/Ash?) and a fear for what will happen to Parker when he goes off alone.

An Education

YES. we’re anticipating a thrilling time for our heroine but dreading the downfall even more now that we know her parents can’t protect her.

The Babadook

YES. We briefly have a growing hope.

Blazing Saddles

YES.  Very much so.  This situation seems untenable.

Blue Velvet

YES. We’re now worried that Jeffrey is losing his soul in the process of his investigation.

The Bourne Identity

YES. We are expecting some the climax.

Bridesmaids

YES. we’re happy to finally have a bit of a light at the end of the tunnel, now that a new guy has appeared.  But we’re also wary of the likelihood that she will mess it up.

Casablanca

YES. we like Rick so we hope that the letters won’t get him in trouble, and we fear that Ugarte will bring violence into the bar. 

Chinatown

YES. We’re very afraid for our hero and the people he was supposed to be protecting. 

Donnie Brasco

YES.  We’re filled with a growing dread for the future, now that Donnie is alienated from Lefty and more tied to Sonny Black.

Do the Right Thing

YES. violence has now been intimated.

The Farewell

YES. We wonder if Billi will be able to keep the secret. 

The Fighter

YES. we hate that he’s being sucked back in.

Frozen

YES. We’re worried about that hit in the head Anna took.

The Fugitive

YES. Very much so.

Get Out

YES. We’re terrified for him from this point on. 

Groundhog Day

YES. We’re happy that he now has a confidant and hopeful that she is about to help him figure his way out this.

How to Train Your Dragon

NO. Not really. Things haven’t gotten much better or worse for the hero in this scene. He attempted to find out more and failed.

In a Lonely Place

YES. Very much so.  We’re now terrified about what might happen in the next scene.

Iron Man

 Not really. Things haven’t gotten much better or worse for the hero in this scene.

Lady Bird

YES. Well, again, we’re proud of her for going after and getting what she wants, but we’re not sure we approve of this guy. 

Raising Arizona

YES. We are now filled with dread. We’re sure that these guys will bring disaster to the house.

Rushmore

YES. He seems to be going further off the deep end.

Selma

YES. We worry that Johnson will crack down on the movement or King, as he does later.  

The Shining

YES. we’re terrified now that Jack’s really going to kill his family, now that the former caretaker has pushed him to do it.

Sideways

NO.  Not really. Miles is stuck in a holding pattern and we don’t feel much hope for it getting better or fear of it getting worse. 

The Silence of the Lambs

YES. We are left with a hope that Lecter’s info will advance Sterling’s career. (I’m not sure that we’re really afraid yet of what he’ll do to her. It still seems like she can outsmart him at this point.)

Star Wars

YES. We’re very worried, especially after Obi-Wan’s pointed farewell.

Sunset Boulevard

NO. It could have ended on this line: “By then I’d begun concocting a little plot of my own…”  with the implied question of  “What plot?”, but instead he let’s Joe’s narration spool on and reveal his plan, which we then see him enact. Wilder, despite being a master screenwriter, always had a bad habit of repeated beats and over-explained plots.   


Thursday, April 06, 2023

The Expanded Ultimate Story Checklist: Does the scene cut out early on a question?

I already mentioned the possibility of chopping out the first two lines of scenes and chopping out some of the middle as well. While you’re at it, why not chop out the last two lines of every scene? These lines wrap up the events and set the stage for the next progression, but you don’t want that either. Instead, just yank the audience out of this scene and into the next at the earliest possible moment. 

Whenever you can, end on a question and have the circumstances of the next scene instantly answer that question. Don’t have the characters discuss what they’re going to do next; just have one ask, “What can we do now?” and cut to a shot that answers the question. “You’re losing in the polls. What do you intend to do about it?” Cut to the candidate knocking on doors in a sketchy neighborhood.

This is a great way to trim unnecessary dialogue. You don’t need to show the hero answer the question and then consider his next move. Just let the transition answer the question. The same trick works for crosscutting between different characters. “What else could go wrong?” Cut to the villain’s office.

Perhaps the question at the end of the scene is answered by the circumstances of the next scene. Perhaps it goes unanswered for now and becomes a mysterious undercurrent. Either way, we are propelled out of the scene before we have a chance to “put a button” on what’s happened.

Every scene should have its own beginning, middle, and end, but that ending should usually be a cliff-hanger. You don’t want to waste valuable time watching your characters pause to process what’s happened, much less what it might mean, because your story will suddenly go slack.

For this Scenework series, we’re examining these scenes:

The 40 Year Old Virgin

Andy goes home with a drunk woman from a Bachelorette party.

Alien

After the deaths of Kane, Brett and Dallas, Ripley becomes captain, so she has a meeting with the other survivors, Ash, Parker, and Lambert, to decide what to do next.

An Education

Jenny is amazed as David gets permission from her parents to take her on a weekend trip to Oxford by claiming to know C.S. Lewis.

The Babadook

Amelia chases her son Sam down to the basement, where he knocks her out, ties her up, and drives the Babadook out of her, temporarily.

Blazing Saddles

Bart arrives in town, then takes himself hostage to save himself from hostile townspeople

Blue Velvet

Jeffrey spies on Dorothy and Frank, then Dorothy catches Jeffrey in her apartment and has sex with him at knifepoint.

The Bourne Identity

Jason and Marie are attacked at her family’s farm by the assassin known as The Professor. Jason blows up a propane tank to distract him and kills him, but as the Professor dies he convinces Jason to come back.

Bridesmaids

Annie is driving angry after feuding with Helen when she gets pulled over by a cute cop, who gives her his number under the pretense of recommending a place to get her tail light fixed.

Casablanca

Sketchy crook Ugarte asks cool club owner Rick to hold onto the letters of transit for him.

Chinatown

Jake confronts Noah Cross with the glasses

Donnie Brasco

Lefty seeks to go behind Sonny Black’s back to set up his own meeting in Florida with Trifficante. He has Donnie borrow a boat for this purpose, but Sonny Black knows everything, and he crashes the party.  Lefty bitterly assumes that Donnie has betrayed him, and shuns him.  Sonny takes Donnie aside and elevates him above Lefty.

Do the Right Thing

Buggin’ Out notices that there are no brothers on the wall of Sal’s Pizzeria and decides to organize a boycott.

The Farewell

Billi finds out about Nai Nai’s diagnosis from her parents.

The Fighter

Micky and Charlene confront Micky’s family about his career.

Frozen

Anna confront Elsa in her ice palace

The Fugitive

Gerard confronts Kimble atop a dam, but Kimble leaps off.

Get Out

Chris sneaks out for a smoke in the night, has creepy encounters with Georgina and Walter, then finds Missy drinking tea.  She implores him to sit down, he repeats that he doesn’t want to be hypnotized, but she does it anyway with her teacup.  She gets him to admit the facts of his mother’s death, then sends him to a “sunken place” in his mind.

Groundhog Day

Phil takes Rita to a cafe and tries to convince her that he’s living the same day over and over. He convinces her by predicting what Larry will say.

How to Train Your Dragon

Hiccup and his students are in an arena competing to defeat a dragon, but Hiccup is quizzing their instructor to find out how to better commune with his own dragon, Toothless. Along the way, he uses what he learned from Toothless to peacefully subdue the dragon they’re fighting, infuriating the others.

In a Lonely Place

Laurel has made secret plans to leave town, but Dix makes her go to his favorite restaurant to celebrate their engagement with his agent, his alcoholic friend, and others.

Iron Man

Tony has built a better chest-device to keep shrapnel out of his heart, so he calls Pepper in to reach into his chest and replace the old one with a new one.

Lady Bird

Lady Bird flirts with Kyle in the parking lot.

Raising Arizona

During Hi and Ed’s first night with Junior, brothers Gale and Evelle show up having just escaped from jail, and begin to suspect the truth.

Rushmore

Max introduces himself to Ms. Cross on the bleachers.

Selma

King meets with Johnson in the Oval Office to try to get him to commit to a new Voting Rights Act

The Shining

Jack finally takes a drink from the ghosts in the ballroom. A waiter spills a drink on him, and takes him to the bathroom to clean it off.  While he does so, Jack realizes that the waiter is actually Grady, the former caretaker that killed his family.  Grady encourages him to do the same, but Jack is uncertain.

Sideways

Miles has struck out with Maya, but Jack comes back to the motel after a wild night with Steph, intending to go back out. Miles tries to get Jack to stay by forcing him to call his fiancĂ©, but she doesn’t answer and Jack takes off with Steph after getting Miles to return his unused condom from the night before.

The Silence of the Lambs

Clarice first meets Lecter in his cell, under the pretense of getting him to fill out a questionnaire, but he quickly figures out that it’s really about Buffalo Bill, and that Clarice is hiding other things as well.

Star Wars

The gang takes over the Death Star command office.

Sunset Boulevard

Joe discovers Norma, who assumes that he’s there to plan her monkey’s funeral, but when he explains that he’s a screenwriter, she hires him to rewrite her screenplay for Salome instead.


So how do those scenes answer this question?

The 40 Year Old Virgin

NO. It cuts out early, but on an answer, not a question.

Alien

YES. Slightly early, on her line “I’ve got access to mother now and I’ll get my own answers, thank you.”

An Education

YES. “It wouldn’t be a bother, would it, David?”

The Babadook

NO. it goes to the end.  

Blazing Saddles

NO. He actually turns to the camera and gives us a summary of the scene.

Blue Velvet

NO. it goes to the end.

The Bourne Identity

YES. It cuts out on the professor’s line, “Look what they make you give.”  This sets up Jason’s decision to split with Marie for now.

Bridesmaids

NO, plays out awkwardly to the end, moves on to scene of emotional fallout, as she arrives home and looks at evidence of her bakery.

Casablanca

NO. it goes until they both leave.

Chinatown

YES. Implied: How will Gittes get out of this. 

Donnie Brasco

YES.  

Do the Right Thing

NO. it goes to the end.

The Farewell

YES. Ends on: ”If you go now, she will find out right away.”  Is that true?

The Fighter

YES. Dicky says he’ll get the money, Micky responds, “You? How?” 

Frozen

NO. it ends with them being thrown out.

The Fugitive

YES. Can we go home now?  (It’s answered immediately with “No.” but we don’t know why not yet.)

Get Out

YES. Will he ever get out of the sunken place (Then, when we cut to him waking up, we wonder if the whole thing might have been a nightmare, which helps explain why he doesn’t immediately get out of the house.)

Groundhog Day

YES. Will she go with him? We don’t find out until the cut.

How to Train Your Dragon

YES. Cuts away on a question, not an answer.

In a Lonely Place

YES. where is he going?

Iron Man

 No. The transition to the next scene is actually really abrupt and awkward.

Lady Bird

YES. We cut out early before they part ways, but not on a question. 

Raising Arizona

YES. “Got you on a pretty short leash, doesn’t she, Hi?”

Rushmore

NO.

Selma

YES. It ends a little early on King saying “Yes, Mr. President, I understand,” The implied question is “Does he really?” Then it cuts to King saying “Selma it is”, answering that question.

The Shining

YES. “When my wife tried to keep me from doing my duty, I ‘corrected’ her.” Then cut to a shot of Wendy.  

Sideways

NO. it goes to the end.

The Silence of the Lambs

YES. Implied: it cuts out early on a cryptic comment.

Star Wars

YES. “What should Artoo and I do if we’re discovered here?” The only answer they get is sarcastic.

Sunset Boulevard

YES. We have a dread that Joe’s scheme to extract money out of Norma will probably fail as much as his other schemes, but with worse consequences. (Partially because we’ve already seen him dead in her pool!)