The First 15 Minutes Project: Max Fischer in Rushmore

Our first three heroes just wanted to fit in and survive their dreaded high school experience. Now let’s look at someone who has no interest in fitting in or leaving high school.

1. Sprightly harpsichord music plays while titles appear against curtains. 
2. Curtains part, revealing Rushmore sign on side of school.
3. Cut to math class inside school. Teacher assigns complex problem. A student asks about another problem on the side board. “That’s the hardest geometry problem in the world. I guess if anyone here could solve that problem, I’d see to it that everyone here would never have to open another text book for the rest of their lives.” They all whisper to each other about how awesome that would be, then turn back to a guy in the back of the room, the only one wearing the school blazer, who’s reading a newspaper. The teacher says “Max, would you care to try it?” Max looks over his paper, “I’m sorry, did someone say my name?” They all laugh. Sipping coffee out of a china cup, Max goes up the board. The teacher tosses him the chalk and he catches it heroically. Max solves the problem handily. The rest of the students lift him up on their shoulders while they cheer.
4. Max is woken up by his friend Dirk, after having fallen asleep in the school’s chapel, where all the kids are gathered to hear a talk by Mr. Blume, the father of two students. “You guys have it real easy. I never had it like this where I grew up, but I send my kids here, because the fact is that you guys go to one of the best schools in the country: Rushmore.” Max’s friend leans over to talk to him but Max holds up two fingers to stop him and then leans in to listen to the speech… “Now, to some of you, it doesn’t matter. You were born rich and you’re going to stay rich.” We see Blume’s speech, written out in front of him, neatly typed on a typewriter. “But here’s my advice to the rest of you. Take dead aim on the rich boys. Get them in the crosshairs and take them down.” Max writes in his a Hymnal, in florid penmanship: “Rushmore – best school in country, Rich kids – bad?, This guy – best chapel speaker I have ever seen.” Blume continues: “Just remember, they can buy anything, but they can’t buy backbone. Don’t let them forget that. Thank you.” Only Max stands up and applauds (once again, he’s the only one in the school blazer, so that was one true thing in the fantasy)
5. Blume leaves, talking to the headmaster Dr. Guggenheim about how he wished the students gave a shit. Max come us and overly-familiarly says hi to Dr. Guggenheim, then introduces himself to Blume, trying to sound like a fellow-40-year-old when he says “Y’know I really think you’re right about Rushmore…”, then he leaves. Blume says to Guggenheim: “Sharp little guy.” Guggenheim responds: “He’s one of the worst students we’ve got.” Blume smiles.
6. Funny montage of all the clubs Max has either founded or leads, including the bee keepers and the Max Fischer players.
7. Another curtain says “September.” The curtain parts. Max is meeting with Dr. Guggenheim, who immediately tells him, “We’re putting you on what we call sudden death academic probation.” “And what does that entail?” “It entails that if you fail another class, you’ll be asked to leave Rushmore.” “In other words I’ll be expelled.” “That’s correct.” “Can I see some documentation on that?” Guggenheim hands over his transcript. “Too many extracurricular activities, Max, not enough studying.” “Dr. Guggenheim, I don’t want to tell you how to do your job, but the fact is that no matter how hard I try, I still might flunk another class. If that means that I have to stay on for a post-graduate year then so be it.” “We don’t offer a post-graduate year.” “Well, we don’t offer it yet.” “Just bring up the grades.” “You remember how I got into this school?” “Yes. You wrote a play.” “That’s right, second grade, a little one-act about Watergate.” The discuss how Max’s late mother got him in. Max asks if he can just coast by for old time’s sake, but Guggenheim says no.
8. Max leaves, trailed by Dirk, saying they want to kick him out. What are you gonna do? “The only thing I can do. Try to pull some strings with the administration, I guess.” 
9. Later, Max is at a meeting of his Backgammon club with its only other member. The member tells him that the school is ending Latin and Max is glad to hear it. Max is reading a Jacques Cousteau book as he plays. He sees that someone has hand-written in an extra Cousteau quote: “When one man, for whatever reason, has the opportunity to lead an extraordinary life, he has no right to keep it to himself.” He excuses himself and asks to see a list of everyone who checked out the book. The priest-librarian asks why. Max shows him the quote. The librarian is impressed and agrees to help.
10. Max has a listing in his hand. He arrives at a Kindergarten class and sees a beautiful woman reading “Kidnapped” to her class. He props open the door to hear her read in a beautiful English accent. He’s smitten.
11. After school, Max tries to hit on Dirk’s mom.  When Dirk arrives, Max asks, “How’d your math test go?” “What math test?” “Didn’t you have a math test?” “No.” We realize that Max is only friends with Dirk to get to his mom.  Max runs over to talk to Blume, but he’s too smitten to say anything. Finally Blume asks “What’s the secret, Max? You seem to have it pretty figured out.” “Well, I think you’ve just got to find something you like to do and then do it for the rest of your life. For me, it’s going to Rushmore.” Blume realizes that Max is actually pretty screwed up. Blume’s bully-ish sons come and get in the car, pushing Max over.
12. Blume drives them home. “Did you invite that kid to your party?” “Max Fischer, are you kidding? There’s going to be girls there. Get your head out of your ass.” 
13. Max walks home across campus, giving a friendly back-pat to the Indian janitor, Mr. Littlejean. 
14. Max rides his bike to a barbershop. Only when his haircut is done do we realize that the barber is his dad. He shows his dad a test with a “37” on it, but the dad cheerily turns it into an 87. Max tries to talk about his problems, but his dad is too forgiving of his failings.
15. The teacher is reading on the bleachers and looking for a light for her cigarette. He swoops in and lights it, then goes to the far end of the bleachers to read “The Powers that Be” by David Halberstam. He has a simulation of an adult conversation with her. She went to Harvard. The top schools that he wants to apply to are Oxford and the Sorbonne, but his safety’s Harvard. He mentions that the school is ending Latin and she says that that’s a shame.  They exchange Latin quotations. He charms her, introduces himself, then sits reading next to her.   She’s charmed and baffled.
16. Max starts a petition drive to re-introduce Latin. Latin is now required for everyone. 
17. Max watches a wrestling match featuring Blume’s sons. Max tells Mr. Blume that his father is a neurosurgeon. Later, he asks Blume, “You were in Vietnam if I’m not mistaken?” “Yeah.” “Were you in the shit?” “Yeah, I was in the shit.”  Blume is shocked to learn that Max is also on the team.
18. At his sons’ birthday party, Blume tries to sink down to the bottom of the pool.
19. Max shows up to tell the teacher that he restored Latin for her.

The First 15 Minutes Project: Peter Parker in Spider-Man

The structure of this movie is interesting. It starts us out with a hero with superficial teen problems (he’s too scrawny, gets bullied, and clams up around girls), then gives him a huge opportunity that seems to solve them all, and then, once, he accepts that opportunity, it reveals deeper personal problems he hadn’t suspected.

 So instead of “hero gets opportunity to solve longstanding personal problem”, we have the opposite: “hero gets opportunity that reveals heretofore hidden personal problems.” In the end, the only way to solve those problems will be to reject all the things he sought in the opening 15 minutes: the girl, the rich friend, and personal acclaim. As a result, as you’ll see here, a lot the hero’s true problems don’t emerge until around the 40 minute mark. 

I don’t know about you, but I fall totally in love with Peter as a character. I’ll have more to say about it soon…

1. First line, over a pan out of a spider’s web: “Who am I? You sure you want to know? The story of my life is not for the faint of heart. If somebody said it was a happy little tale, somebody lied. But let me assure you, this, like any story worth telling, is all about a girl.” We see Mary Jane on a school bus, then see the jerk with his arm around her, “I’d like to tell you that’s me next to her,” then we pan to a slob eating a jelly donut, “Heck I’d even take him.” Then we pan to Peter running alongside the bus. “That’s me.” Mary Jan runs to the front of the bus and demands the bus driver stop.
2.  Peter gets on the bus. A super-nerdy girl contemptuously looks at him and sees that he’s considering sitting next to her: “Don’t even think about it.” The donut-eating slob shakes his head no as well. Peter tries to catch the eye of Mary Jane, who averts her gaze, looking embarrassed, then someone trips Peter and he falls forward onto his face in the aisle, knocking his glasses off.
3.  Class trip to Columbia University. Peter thinks he sees Mary Jane turning and giving him a flirtatious wave, so he returns it, but she’s waving to the girls who are coming up behind him. When they join up with MJ, they all giggle about Peter’s wave, humiliating him.
4.  Just then, a Rolls Royce rolls up. Inside, Harry Osborn is being dropped off by his father Norman. Harry asks not to be dropped off “These are public school kids, I’m not showing up to a field trip in a Rolls.” “You want me to trade in my car for a Jetta just because you flunked out of every private school I ever sent you to?”
5.  Harry gets out but forgets his bag, so Norman gets out to return it. Harry introduces Peter to Norman. “I read all your research on nanotechnology.” “And you understood it? Your parents must be very proud.” “Well, I live with my aunt and uncle and they are proud.”
6. They enter the lab where a scientist gives them a tour of the genetically modified spiders, talking about their super-powers. Peter tries taking photos but the bullies keep knocking him in the back. Peter tells Harry that some spiders have the ability to change their color to blend into the background. Harry rolls his eyes and asks “Why would you even think I would want to know that?” Peter asks “Who wouldn’t?”
7. Harry points at MJ and asks Peter if he’s going to talk to her now. Peter jokes, “Why don’t you talk to her?” Harry shrugs and says “All right.” Harry sidles up to her as she looks at spiders. She says, “Disgusting.” Harry: “Yeah, hateful little things.” She disagrees, “I love ‘em!” Harry: “Yeah, me too.” She shoots him a look of disgust for so obviously hitting on her. He busts out Peter’s line about the spider’s changing colors. MJ says “cool”. Peter overhears, chagrined. The scientist says that there are 15 spiders, but MJ points out that one is missing. Peter tries approaching MJ to take a photo for the school paper. She enjoys modeling for him. As he takes pictures, the missing spider climbs down and bites him. (at 10:56) Peter is worried about the bite. As he walks away, a display behind him shows spider DNA being combined.
8. Meanwhile, at Oscorp, the military shows up to evaluate Norman Osborn’s weapons programs: a flying glider and a gas that makes you strong, though it’s driven some test subjects insane. The general tells Norman that he prefers Norman’s competitors, and if Norman doesn’t show results in a week, he’s pulling the contract. 
9. Uncle Ben fixes a light bulb “And the lord said let there be light, and voila, there was light, all 40 glowing lights of it.” Aunt May says “God’ll be thrilled, just don’t fall on your ass.” “I’m already on my ass, May. When the plant’s senior electrician is laid off after 35 years, what else would you call it? I am on my ass.” “Hand me that dish, the green one.” “The corporation is downsizing the people and upsizing the profits.” “Oh Ben, you’ll get another job somewhere.” “Well, let’s look in the paper and see. Here are the want ads, what have we got here? Computer salesman, computer engineer, computer analyst… My lord, even the computers need analysts these days. I am 68 years old, I’m too old for computers, and beside I have a family to provide for.” “I love you and Peter loves you. You’re the most responsible man I’ve ever known. We’ve been down and out before, but somehow we survive.” Peter comes in, looking sick. He wants to go upstairs and not eat. “You won’t have a bite?” “No thanks, I had a bite…”
10. Upstairs, we see Peter’s sickly chest as he looks at himself in the mirror. We hear a voice-over of the spider powers again, then we zoom into Peter’s blood as DNA re-combines. 
11.  At Oscorp, the same scientist who complained to “If you just give me two weeks…” “Two weeks? In two weeks, we’ll have lost the contract request and Oscorp will be dead. Sometimes you’ve gotta do things yourself.” He tests the gas on himself. The other scientist stops the test. Norman, now super-strong and insane, kills the scientist.
12. Peter wakes up on the floor and puts on his glasses, but he no longer needs them. Then he looks at his chest, which is now super strong. May knocks on the door. “Any better this morning? Any change?” “Yeah, big change!” Peter watches MJ out of his window and through her window.
13. Peter leaves. Ben says “Teenagers, raging hormones, they never change…” Peter promises Uncle Ben that he’ll help him with painting the kitchen that night...

Tomorrow, a very different type of high-schooler...

The First 15 Minutes Project: Cady Heron in Mean Girls

High School Week Continues!
I just got around to watching this one and I was very impressed, so let’s figure out why...

1. African drumming plays over titles on black, then fade up to: 
2. Two parents look down on the camera’s POV offering a bag lunch and talking about how brave she is on her first day of school. But then the POV rises up: it turns out that it belongs to a 16 year girl who had been sitting down on the steps listening to her parents. Voiceover comes in: “I guess its natural for parents to cry on their kid's first day of school. But you know this usually happens when the kid is five. I'm 16 and until today i was home-schooled. I know what you're thinking. Home-schooled kids are freaks...” 
3. Snarky montage of freaky homeschooled kids: Intense little girl wins spelling bee with xylocarp… 
4. …“Or that we’re really religious or something…” Inbred hick kids talk about shooting homosexuals…
5.  …But she explains that her family isn’t like that: They’ve been in Africa doing research. We see fun picture of the three of them hanging out with the animals there. 
6.  Her parents drop her off at school, and she promises she’ll be fine, but then she almost gets run over by a bus.
7. She walks across the lawn toward the front door, through a teeming crowd that’s fighting, burning a notebook and doing other vaguely scary things. 
8.  She enters a classroom and mistakes a tall girl for the teacher. The girl threatens to kick her ass. Cady tries to sit next to her but a goth girl, Janis, and her gay friend, Damien, yell out that she shouldn’t, because the tall girl’s boyfriend is going to sit there. Sure enough, the boyfriend slips into the seat and immediately begins making out with the tall girl vigorously. Cady starts to go towards another seat, but Janis and Damien warn her not to sit there because the guy in the desk in front farts. The loser-ish guy shrugs in confirmation. Cady turn to find another desk, but runs into the teacher, causing the teacher to spill her coffee all over herself. Janis and Damien laugh and give a thumbs up. Cady apologizes. Teacher says that’s all right, tries to take off her sweater, but her T-shirt sticks to it and reveals her bra. The principal comes by and wonders what’s going on. The teacher realizes what’s happened and Cady helps her lower her t-shirt. The principal asks about the teacher summer. The teacher says she got divorced. Principal starts awkwardly hitting on her. Principal announces to class that they have a new student from Africa. Teacher welcomes the one black student, but she’s from Detroit. They realize that it’s Cady, who is awkwardly introduced.
9. Back in the hall “The first day of school was a blur, a stressful, surreal blur. I got in trouble for the most random things. I’d never been in a world where adults didn’t trust me.” 
10. Funny montage of her being yelled at by her teachers for petty things.
11. She’s in the lunch room, looking for a place to sit. The Asians won’t let her sit there. The dudes are saying “It only counts if you see nipple,” so she doesn’t want to sit there. She greets the black kids with an African greeting and they take offense. 
12. She eats her lunch alone in a bathroom stall as the credits end.
13. She comes home and her parents ask her how her first day was. She just huffs in frustration and blows past them. 
14. Day 2: She sits next to Janis and Damien. (Where did she sit yesterday? Shouldn’t this scene have come then?) Damien asks, “Is that your natural hair color. It’s gorgeous.” She says thanks. He yanks on her hair and holds it up to his, explaining to Janis that this is the color he wants. Janis explains to Cady that Damien is almost too gay to live. Cady asks where her health class is. They say that it’s in the annex and they’ll take her there…
15. …But instead they take her out back behind the school to skip class. Cady talks to Damien: “I like math.” “Ew. Why?” “It’s the same in every country.” “Wow. That’s beautiful. This girl is deep!” They point out to Cady that she’s very attractive, which she hadn’t noticed. They explain to Cady about who the cliques are. They watch the attractive, mean girls known as “the plastics” led by a girl named Regina.
16. As they re-enter, they talk about the big dance, which Damien is excited about but Janice hates. Janice draws Cady a map of the cafeteria: 
17. We hear Janice narrate her map as Cady navigates the cafeteria. “Here this map is gonna be your guide to North Shore. Now where you sit in the cafeteria is crucial because you got everbody there: Freshmen, ROTC guys, Preps, JV Jocks, Asian nerds, Cool Asians, Varsity Jocks, Unfriendly black hotties, Girls who eat their feeling, Girls who don’t eat anything, Desperate wannabes, Burn outs, Sexually Active band geeks, The Greatest people you will ever meet (Janice and Damien), AND THE WORST BEWARE OF THE PLASTICS!” But as Cady enters, a guy tries to hit on her in front of the plastics. Regina ridicules him and sends him away, then invites Cady to join the table. She shoots an apologetic look over to Janis and Damien and sits with them. Regina interrogates her and decides to accept her as a fourth member.
18.  After lunch, Cady meets with Janis and Damien in the girls bathroom and Janis proposes that Cady accept the invitation and spy on the plastics for them. Cady reluctantly accepts. 
19. That afternoon, in math class, Cady develops a crush on a boy.
20. The next day, her first as an official plastic, she figures out the percentage of calories from fat in Regina’s diet bar. When Regina gets up, Cady tells one of the girls about the boy she likes, but she’s warned that she can’t like him, because he used to go out with Regina.

(Incidentally, Lohan really does give a vulnerable-yet-charismatic star-making performance here. Who would have guessed that she’d be a punchline today, while co-stars McAdams, Seyfried and even Lizzy Caplan would all be going strong?  Ah well.) Tomorrow: the ultimate zero-to-hero tale...

The First 15 Minutes Project: Buffy the Vampire Slayer

High School Week begins! 
Welcome back to the 15 Minutes Project.  Both of my new projects contain high schoolers, so I thought I would look at some memorable high school intros all this week.

You’ll note that I’ve added some new categories, including “Expectations Managed”, and “Dramatic Question Posed” in keeping with recent posts.  Also, I’m trying to focus more on nailing down the “moment of humanity” (formerly called “when do we fall in love with the character”), though I find it’s still hard to identify, so let’s collect some more data and then parse it.

1. Opening narration over graveyard imagery: “In every generation there is a chosen one. She alone will stand against the vampires, demons and forces of darkness…” 
2. Cold Open: schoolgirl and football player break into school after hours to make out. She seems scared. He reassures her that they’re all alone. She says good, turns into a vampire, and kills him. 
3. Buffy tosses and turns in bed, has a hallucinatory dream showing hordes of vampires attacking the school.
4. Buffy wakes up in the morning, looking concerned. Mom calls out. “Buffy, don’t want to be late for your first day!”. Buffy rolls her eyes and sarcastically says “No, wouldn’t want that.” 
5. Cut to school where there’s a lot of kids and loud music playing. 
6. Mom drops her off for first day: “Think positive! And honey? Try not to get kicked out?” Buffy smiles and says “I promise.” They exchange a smile. Mom drives off. Buffy turns and looks at the school, intimidated.
7. Trying to seem cool, Xander skateboards past everybody, asking them to scoot out of his way, but they ignore him. He sees Buffy and wipes out. Williow stumbles upon him on the ground. He’s glad to see her, but only so that she can help him out with the math. She suggests he get a book from the library. “I kinda had a problem with the math.” “Which part?” “The math.” She suggests he check out a book. “Check out?” “You know. From the library, where the books live.”
8. They enter school and meet their friend, Jesse, who says that there’s a new girl. “So what do you know about her?” “What? New girl!” “You’re certainly a font of nothing.” 
9. Buffy meets with the principal, who tears up her bad transcript and promises her a clean slate, but then he starts to read it (she burned down the gym), and begins to tape it back together. She starts to explain that the gym was full of vampires, but stops herself. The principal tries to be a nice guy but ends on a stern warning.
10. Buffy comes out of his office, dazed. A girl bumps into her knocking her to the ground and sending her stuff sprawling. Xander sees and rushes over to help, says “Can I have you?”, then corrects himself to “Can I help you?” “I’m Buffy, I’m new.” He’s totally flustered: “Xander is me, hi. Maybe I’ll see you around at school, because we both go there.” She says “Nice to meet you and leaves. He sees she left something behind: a stake?
11. Class with Buff and Cordelia in it. Buffy has no book and shares with Cordelia. Cordelia suggests she get her own in the library.
12. In the hall, Cordelia finds out that Buffy has transferred from L.A. and says “I would kill to live in L.A.! That close to that many shoes??” She offers Buffy friendship, but then suddenly quizzes her to determine how cool she is: “Vamp nail police” “Over?” “SO over.” “James Spader?” “He NEEDS to call me.” “John Tesh?” “The devil.” “Okay, that was pretty much a gimme, but you passed.” Then they run into Willow, who Cordelia openly ridicules (“I see you’ve seen the softer side of Sears!”), making Buffy feel suddenly self-conscious. Willow flees the onslaught. Then Cordelia invites Buffy out to a club that night, and says she’ll find out everything about Buffy later. After she leaves, Buffy sarcastically says to herself, “Gee, that sounds like fun.”
13. Buffy enters the library, looking for books. She meets Giles the librarian and tells him that she’s new. He knows her name instantly and offers a book on vampires. “That’s not what I’m looking for.” “You’re sure?” “Way sure.” Buffy flees.
14. In the girls’ locker room, two girls talk about the new girl and the rumors that she’s lame. Just then one opens her locker and a dead body falls out. She screams. END OF ACT ONE. 
15. ACT TWO: Willow takes out her sack lunch. Buffy walks up and introduces herself. “Willow, right?” Willow looks scared, “Why? I mean, hi. Did you want me to move?” “Why don’t we start with ‘Hi, I’m Buffy’ and then segue right into asking you for a favor. It doesn’t involve moving, but it does involve hanging out with me for a while.” “But aren’t you hanging out with Cordelia?” “Can’t I do both?” “Not legally.” “Look, Cordelia’s been really nice…to me, but I really want to pass my classes and I heard a rumor that you were the person to talk to if I wanted to get caught up.” Willow’s happy to hear it and wants to meet in the library, but Buffy freaks out at the mention of it. Just then Xander and Jesse join them. Buffy introduces them. Xander says that he and Buffy go way back, going into a rambling, self-deprecating monologue, which weirds Buffy out. She can only say, “Nice to meet you guys, I think.” Xander returns Buffy’s stake, which Buffy hastily lies about.

Tomorrow: Another heroine who transgresses the popular/geek divide, in the other direction...

Need a break...

Next week: A full five days  of The 15 Minutes Project, as I try to capture the elusive moment of humanity...

Rulebook Casefile: Character Motivates, Plot Complicates in Silver Linings Playbook

[SPOILERS AHEAD]  You all know what a fan I was of David O. Russell’s last movie, and I think of him as a very underrated writer/director in general, so I was very excited to see that his new movie was getting a lot of glowing reviews and Oscar buzz.  And indeed Silver Linings Playbook is worth watching …but I found it to be ultimately disappointing. 

What was mortifying was that the script would have scored very high on my Checklist: Volatile hero?  Check!  Knows exactly what he wants but not what he really needs?  Check!  Three rules he lives by?  Check! Invests objects with emotion?  Check!  Escalating conflict?  Check!  Internal dilemma and external plot climax at the same time?  Check! 

And yet each of these rang a little hollow.  Indeed, this movie makes for a good look-back, because, according to the rules I had before 2012, it’s pretty perfect.  But the movie sort of falls apart, in my opinion, because of the issues I’ve been discussing in the last few months: It creates false expectations, it has an inconsistent tone, and most importantly, it gets the motivates/complicates equation backwards. 

This is the very definition of a “Character Motivates, Plot Complicates” movie: Bradley Cooper starts the plot into motion through sheer force of will: He chooses to leave his mental hospital and pursue his ex-wife, entirely at his own volition.  Everything that happens in the first half are things that he made happen as a result of his volatile personality.  But, as so often happens, this plot-driver runs out of juice halfway through, and the movie needs to throw in a bunch of forced plot complications in the second half.

And this brings us to the tone problem.  The first half of this movie is a very naturalistic, low-key dramady, and we happily settle into that rhythm, but the second half jumps to a different sub-genre entirely as it becomes a very formulaic romantic comedy (“We have to win this dance contest so that my dad can buy his own restaurant!”).  There’s nothing wrong with this sort of ending (screwball comedies often pulled it off) if the beginning of the movie set us up to expect it… 

…But this movie creates exactly the opposite expectations.  Our hero, at the beginning, is a no-bullshit truth-teller who has no tolerance for phony sentiment, and we like that about him.  The hero and the movie feel very real and raw.  Once this tone has been established, it’s okay for the hero to change and become more sentimental, but the tone of the movie shouldn’t change with him: the style needs to remain real and raw, because that’s the world that we’ve accepted. 

As I said, the movie is still worth seeing, if only for the excellent performances from Bradley Cooper, Robert DeNiro and Jennifer Lawrence, but be ready for some tone-whiplash.

What I Wish I’d Heard at Graduation, Two Final Caveats

Caveat #1: If They Talk About Doing a Lot of Projects Together, They’re Probably About to Screw You

Here’s one I had to figure out  through bad experiences.  When you first start getting work, you’re probably going to be working for the bottom-feeders.  At first you’re going to say to yourself, “Gee, I’m so lucky to get this job!  Why on earth did they take a chance on a hayseed like me?”  Then you find out the answer…

All producers hate paying writers, but the bottom-feeders really hate it.  They hire beginners for two reasons: so that they can offer rock-bottom rates, and so that they can get out of actually paying those rates.  This can range from asking for extra free drafts to flat out refusing to pay you the money you’re owed.

How can you avoid these situations?  You can’t, altogether, but you can look out for some warning signs, and here’s the biggest one: they start talking about all the projects that you two are going to do together.

To a beginner, this sounds great!  “Wow, I’ve just lined up my next five jobs, before I’ve even finished my first one!  I have employment for life!  We’re going to be the next Schrader and Scorsese!  The next Kaufman and Jonze!”

But a veteran would never fall for it, because they would know that most projects end sadly: either the project dies, or the writer gets replaced, or both…and that’s fine.  That’s the nature of the business, especially at that level.  So no, you’re not going to make a bunch of projects together, because this project is almost certainly going to disappoint both of you in the end.

So why do they tell you that?  Because they’re already figuring out how they’re going to screw you over, and they’re trying to keep your eye off the ball.  When they say, “We’re going to make a lot of projects together,” the implied corollary is, “So don’t blow it by demanding your money for this one.”  If they try to sell you that line, just politely respond with, “Let’s wait to see how this one turns out.” Then watch your wallet.

Caveat #2: Beware of Buyer’s Remorse:

When you sign with a representative, or when you get hired to write a script, you’re over the moon: “They like me!  They really like me!  All that suffering, all those years of hard work have finally paid off.  Now the pressure’s off! Now they finally trust me”

But of course this isn’t true.  First of all, the pressure has just ratcheted way up: Before you were unemployed, but now you’ve got a boss.  And even though you’re not being well paid yet, you’re now taking up the time of people who could be meeting with millionaires instead, so you have to act like you’re in that class.

But it’s worse than that.  Your reps may have liked you before they signed you, or that studio may have liked your script and/or pitch before they bought it, but as soon as you signed on the dotted line, they regretted it.  Everybody loves the thrill of the hunt.  They saw that someone else desired you, and they felt that their attractiveness was threatened, so they pounced upon you with a better offer, and they bagged you: success!

But now they’re stuck with you, and they can’t remember why they wanted you in the first place.  In the harsh light of day, you’re just not as attractive as you were at closing time.

The only solution is to re-sell yourself.  Show them something they haven’t seen before. Everything you brought to the table before you signed on the dotted line is going to seem old and dead to them now.  Hit them with some new ideas. Re-invigorate their interest before they decide to shelve you in favor of their next conquest.

Okay, folks, enough negativity!  This is gonna be the year of Matt!  Happy helpful hints resume tomorrow!