- From studios, who have always tried but are now succeeding more than ever.
- From entertainment editors, who are afraid that if the reviewer pisses anybody off that the paper will just cut the section altogether
- And, most disturbingly, from fanatic trolls who have started mass-emailing death threats to any reviewer who lowers the Rotten Tomatoes ranking of their favorite movies.
So all this begs the question: Just how bad does a blockbuster have to be to get savaged by the critics these days? You need to make a movie that fails on absolutely every level, that’s physically painful to sit through...You need to make John Carter and Green Lantern.
I rented these movies this summer and watched each of them with my jaw on the floor. I realized that I had discovered two timeless masterpieces of awfulness. Since they both failed in similar ways, I’m going to spend this week drawing lessons on what not to do from this gruesome twosome.
(Quick note: fans of movies like these tend to attack critics from two sides, either saying, “Your can’t criticize it if you haven’t read the books!” or, “You’re only criticizing it because you won’t accept that it’s not exactly like the book!” So allow me to say that I have read and enjoyed the source material for both movies, but I’m only a casual fan in both cases.)
So we’ll begin tomorrow with the biggest revelation I had while watching these, which is applicable to every type of movie…